Top Hole!

Good Golf, it’s not often I have a good idea but wait til you hear this beauty. I want to open the world’s easiest golf course, it looks like a real course but it is cunningly designed to let any old idiot do really well.

  • Most of the holes will be downhill, and the fairways valley shaped.
  • The distance markers will lie. This 440yard hole really only 395yds long.
  • The grass on the fairways will be springy, and the rough will actually be quite smooth.
  • There will be carefully placed fences beside tees and behind greens to ricochet wayward balls in the right direction.
  • There will be some tricky looking bits but these will always mysteriously be ‘Ground under Repair’ allowing the unwitting duffer a free-drop out of danger
  • Most of the greens will be funnel shaped, the ball will gurgle inevitably to the hole
  • Holes will be slightly larger than legal.

Of course, we will keep all this secret. It is an important part of our strategy to let players think they’ve played amazingly. Then they’ll splash the cash at the 19th hole and they’ll keep coming back.

In fact, I think they may even play amazingly. This confidence trick will boost their self-confidence and as any weekend hacker knows the biggest part of the game is keeping sane. A few good holes and they’ll have the self-belief and enthusiasm to play the round of their lives, that our course colludes in this is our little secret.

It is such an obvious marketing trick that someone else has done it already, it’s probably par for the course at Disneyland.

About caspar

Caspar is just one monkey among billions. Battering his keyboard without expectations even of peanuts, let alone of aping the Immortal Bard. By day he is an infantologist at Birkbeck Babylab, by night he runs
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