What do I want from a relationship? Part IV

Some of my first love’s first words to me were ‘I believe I have felt that rhythm of Yours somewhere before’. Naturally, I knew what she meant, there was an instant understanding between us, a connection and an uncanny sense of synchronisity. I tend to think in terms of wavelengths and resonant frequencies; Something that strikes a chord with you and sets your whole being vibrating.

Love struck swiftly and rang true (for a while) then, other times it has been a subtle rumble that you feel rather than perceive but which builds to the point you can’t ignore. I get laughed at when I say I want a female version of me but what else is resonance about if not similarity? It has come from different places on different occasions but always I am falling for something in the other which is in me. At times this has meant the ability to share every joke, or a shared uninhibited lust, sharing a gleeful curiosity or even having very a similarly egotistic sense of our place in the universe.

Ideally I want all these and more but building on that first harmony has proved hard and this always give me pause. I cannot help but feel that love should not be a few things that are quite nice and collection of convenient compromises. It should not be a case of two people making the best of a bad deal. The sacrifices should be negligible in contrast to the certainties.

It will never be perfect but can always be improved. I want someone who sees that, who even when they know they have the best and still wants more. Once I have you I will want more. Thirty years on I will still be thirsty for improvement. Nothing else in life has satisfied me more than perpetual learning, admitting my ignorance of the world and the weaknesses of my character and thus giving myself some chance to improve. I doubt my true love is any better than me and in any case being together creates its own obstacles. Our relationship can advance after the style our individual lives. Love isn’t blind, it sees all and forgives only that which it could forgive itself.

About caspar

Caspar is just one monkey among billions. Battering his keyboard without expectations even of peanuts, let alone of aping the Immortal Bard. By day he is an infantologist at Birkbeck Babylab, by night he runs BabyLaughter.net
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