read the fucking manual?

ooh, just got a nokia 7210.. my old phone was stolen from my tent at the big chill.. the joke’s on the feef cos it didn’t have the sim in it and it’s a shitty siemens c45 that i’ve spent a year hating.. i should have got rid of it straight away but it usually takes some sort of external agency to prod me into action.. so fanks feef!

anyhow, very glad to be back in hands of finland’s favourite wellington boot manufacturer.. nokia make lovely fones and because they were originally designed for the stupid farmers of funland they are ever so simple to use.. my antediluvian 3210 was a piece of piss.. my new fone is 4,000 better so it ought to be a steaming pile of shit by comparison (if you follow my metaphor).. we don’t need no steekin manuel!

er, actually it’s got quite a few more whistles and bells, not quite 4,000 of them but a bewildering number.. so i had a quick peek in the manual.. i could not believe my eyes..

manual for nokia 7210

did you read the note? they had the same insightful advice at the top of each section.. apparently to able to see images on the screen or use any of the applications the phone has to be switched on.

who knew?

now I swear (and i have witnesses) that in my entire life i have only ever come across one person who wasn’t aware that computers have to be switched on for them to operate effectively.. worryingly this person was an IT professional at an investment bank! (It was a fairly mediocre investment bank but even so.)

what can nokia be thinking??

  • “hmm, 99.9% of non-Finns will probably know they have to turn their nokia on to make it work but since ignorance is power* we don’t want to upset the stupid. oi Pekka, remember to state the bleeding obvious repeatedly in that fucking manual.”
    (*Claim: Ignorance is power     Proof: GWB QED)
  • maybe those crazy finns are having a laugh at us less technology savvy non-Linus nations who use MS Windows and chequebooks?
  • “have any of you bothered to proof-read this fucking manual?” – “no but it was written by that guy we hired from that mediocre investment bank so it’s sure to be fine!”
  • i’ve just emailed a boyfriend of an ex-girlfriend at Nokia to try find out.. but he won’t officially be able to tell me anything and i will probably have calmed down enough by the time i hear anyway not to bother with the mundane truth of our stupid world so don’t hold your breath.

    and Don’t let me get started on the evil fuckers at Nestlè responsible for this..
    fucking nestle bottlecap

    About caspar

    Caspar is just one monkey among billions. Battering his keyboard without expectations even of peanuts, let alone of aping the Immortal Bard. By day he is an infantologist at Birkbeck Babylab, by night he runs BabyLaughter.net
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