i’ll be turning over a new leaf..
only to realise that the other side of this new leaf is not really any better than the original side of the leaf i’ve been making do with for the whole of this last year and that, if i’m honest, this new leaf is itself no better than the leaf i had the year before, and anyway by the 5th of Jan i’ll have forgotten all about the leaf or completely regret ever having let it caught my eye in the first place.
in fact, it would probably be best to give up on the whole leaf turning business right now, well in advance and not bother kidding myself about ‘how this leaf will be different’..
but easier said than done because i know that in the wee small hours of the new year, inevitably the mixture of maudlin past regrets and shiny future hopes blended with alcohol will inevitably having looking me round for attractive leaves to turn and by doing so revolutionise my life..
like a lousy leaf is ever going to have the solution to my problems or stop me making the mistakes i’ve made endless times before.. some leaf that would be.. what right does it have trying to change me anyway? maybe i like me the way i am? maybe i like things the way they are? what gives this ‘johnny-come-lately’ leaf the right to turn up and start ordering me about, telling me how to live my life? in fact, why can’t you all just leave me alone?
