US Teens take sex-ed from Clinton not Bush and get way past third base

Oral Sex Safe and Not Really Sex, Say U.S. Teens

CHICAGO (Reuters) – One in five U.S. teenagers say they have engaged in oral sex, an activity that some adolescents view as not sex at all and certainly less risky than intercourse, a report released Monday said.

The survey of 580 children with a mean age of 14-1/2 found 20 percent said they had engaged in oral sex, compared to 14 percent who said they had engaged in sexual intercourse.

It seems that American teens are ignoring GW Bush’s sex-ed teaching of Ignorance+Abstinence but are following the Slick Willie philosophy that oral sex isn’t really sex. They are right that it is slightly safer than other expressions of intimacy but while they might not be abstintent they remain very ignorant. Thanks to GWB and other prudes and hypocrites who think sex should start on the wedding night (but didn’t for them, right?) yankee younster learning nothing in class and everything from the internet, the over-hormonal members of their peer-groups and not a bit of trial and error.

I guess it was always thus but when the information is there, it seems wicked to offer silence or absurdity in it’s place.. not quite as bad as saying that condom’s help spread AIDS.. the whitehouse is quite as theocratic as the Vatican.. just yet..

In addition, one-third of the multi-ethnic 9th graders surveyed said they intended to have oral sex within the next six months and nearly one-fourth planned to have intercourse during the period. It was more common for boys to have performed oral sex on girls than vice versa, the report said.

It is encouraging to see that girls are getting their share of the pie. But if oral sex is now a standard step on the way to full-blown intercourse, it seems like the standard base-balling metaphor might need to be revised. For those of you aren’t clear about this, it goes:

First Base – French Freedom Kissing
Second Base – Heavy Petting
Third Base – Manual Manipulation
A Home Run – Intercourse

Of course things are slightly different for switch-hitters and those who play exclusively southpaw but the basic terminology is well-established and familiar to everyone in third grade and above. The trouble is we clearly need a “fourth base” or equivalent to allow contextual discussion of oral sex.

Now as a Britisher I am not to familiar with the game of baseball (or ’rounders’ as we call it over here) but as I have written about baseball terminology before and I am certain that, in fact, there is plenty of basebase slang that might cover it.

For example, one might tell one fellow ninth grader that last night your boyfriend persuaded you to toss off a spit ball but you would only do so after he had cleaned the base plate. In a really good game you might both have gone downtown and maybe even had back-to-back Jacks. And i’ve noticed that practically every term for scoring can also be used as a term for scoring, although getting the Golden Sombrero doesn’t meant what I thought it meant.

Then again, maybe you don’t have a girlfriend yet and spend your evenings hefting the hickory or swinging the fungo-stick. Don’t worry about it, even Babe Ruth struck out in his time. You could always consider batting for the other side.

I’d be grateful for my readers suggestions for baseball terms for oral sex and if it comes to that backdoor slides.

Thanks!

About caspar

Caspar is just one monkey among billions. Battering his keyboard without expectations even of peanuts, let alone of aping the Immortal Bard. By day he is an infantologist at Birkbeck Babylab, by night he runs BabyLaughter.net
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