Telling tales on two cities.
Two years living in central London and they almost succeeded in sucking out my soul and blinkering me to the outside world. A lucky escape, or do I speak too soon? (Damnedly clever plan, eh, Holmes!)

London

You hate it at first, the filth, the rudeness, the overcrowding..
Everywhere you go, you grit your teeth and hurry on to somewhere else. All the time the subliminally soaking up the aggression and misanthropy. Weeks and months grind by, outwardly nothing changes, but by stages you forget what it was that so enervated you, and assume it is the rest of the world you hear so little about. The scene around you is so familiar, comforting almost, that you become part of it and London has claimed another victim.

Paris

Rather more subtle than Paris, that seduces you with beauty and romance, and hopes to collude with you in arrogance and superciliousness. I lived there for six months.

At first I wandered round looking up at the wonderful architecture, breathing in the atmosphere. I glided past countless treasures in endless museums, famous places helpfully materialised as I meandered round unpromising corners and the whole city revolved in unison round the inspirational spire of the Eiffel Tower. Alas the spell was broken by my hatred of coffee and snippets of Test matches overheard on the BBC World service. In the final interminable days before my departure, I stomped through the streets my eyes on the filthy pavements, wary of strategically laid dogshit, breathing in the ubiquitous cigarette smoke.

The Big Smoke

If the average glass of London tap-water is drunk six times over. Then average lungful of Paris air is smoked thrice and passive smoked occasionally by freakish non-smoking outsiders.

A tacky plastic Eiffel souvenir, inexpertly sprayed gold and already coming unstuck from its garish pink marble-effect plinth was a perfect memento mori. If ever I escape from London, I shall take a handful of prostitutes cards, I can phone them up and be reminded that I will never go back.

Noday, 31st June 1998

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