Remember, when George W. Bush was elected, and he said that thing about how, by 2008, we’d have “movies that would explode in our balls like a shotgun filled with handjobs”?
Well, that promise came true two days ago when I saw GRINDHOUSE in Hollywood. Except not only was it a shotgun full of handjobs exploding in my balls, but also my balls suddenly knew how to make fire using karate. All from seeing GRINDHOUSE, a movie that’s made of screaming car crash zombie boobs.
The rest is here. You can read it if you like. I am making a conscious effort not to read film reviews. Especially not good ones. I saw this quotation at Big Monkey but I won’t read the rest because I am trying to build up my filminess, cinephilia or whatever you call it. In the past I have found reviews to be counter-productive. I haven’t really watched TV in the past five years and as a consequence lost my ability to follow visual language and my film watching dropped to a few dozen a YEAR. Once you watch next to nothing it is a vicious cycle. You see something which you find disappointing and don’t watch anything for ages and then your next film is a big deal. So you probably go for something which has been hyped and you have a long time to build up even higher expectations which, of course are rarely met, leading to even bigger disappointment and a longer delay before your next film.. And so on. (Besides my dreams of films before I’ve seen them are much better than the real thing turns out to be.. at least in the cases where I know enough about it to have expectations. My dream version of Gladiator was better than the film I eventually saw but I suspect I am not alone in that.)
Anyhow, my new(ish) girlfriend is a film-maker and cinephilliac so I am trying to see it her way. (Of course, if I’d known better a few years ago, my last relationship might not have ended after we went to see Star Wars: The Revenge of the Sith. That’s not the full story (wouldn’t that be tragic?) but we don’t need that and in any case the take home message here is you live and learn. Or rather I live and learn – hopefully… You can too.. live and learn. of course you can, it’s a free(ish) world and if you are reading this you are probably a friend, relative or stalker and so I wish you well.) Besides I am discovering that films can be quite entertaining when you have the habit and fewer expectations (not lower expectations fewer expectations)
So I will accept recommendations of films but not reviews.
Mind you screaming car crash zombie boobs does set my mind racing a little.